I recently went to a women’s speaker event and walked away motivated and reflecting on motherhood and the word balance. It’s a word we all use too often to describe what we fail at. Balance, what is it, and why do we strive for it? Whether or not you are a mommy, balance is something we’ve been told we have to have. From yoga, to meditating, to running or watching tv, how do I find balance? Or the question I get asked the most, “How do you find balance?”
Over 7 years ago I moved to Chicago with my significant other, we bought a home in anticipation of a family and I left my job I loved to pursue a different life in the midwest. I started blogging to fill my time, express my love for fashion and honestly, to meet like minded ladies that hopefully would turn out to be my friends.
In 7 years, I had two boys, launched a successful business (T&J Designs), met a wonderful group of ladies who are my best friends. I have collaborated with companies such as Neiman Marcus, Rolls Royce, Nordstrom, DSW and so many more and added in travel. My world has changed tremendously with social media, but as you know if you follow me, the impact on my personal life has been tough.
Through this journey of self and career discovery I threw out the word balance as a goal. I’m not balanced, I can’t be and I’m ok with that. I embrace it all. I work hard and play hard and that’s why I succeed.
My ultimate balance is my kids. They make me present, they yell at me to pay attention, they need me there and I laugh, I snort, I dance, and I am the best version of me when I let it go. With having kids 50% of the time, I get me time, too much me time, but I’ve accepted it. I make the most of my time away by making plans and if you watch my instagram and stories I’m out a lot. It’s what I do to keep from missing my kids. Plus I’m happy out and about!
I don’t balance things well. I haven’t in a long time, but it works, and when it doesn’t work anymore I’ll fix it. Right now this new life is still in transition, there are days where we have no fruit or real food in the house, or I’m frantic with my schedule. When I’m running from a meeting, late heading home, I can’t cook dinner and pick up McDonald’s, and than lay on the couch and watch TV with my kids, that’s me sometimes. Shit happens.
But there’s the special moments each month where I plan ahead, we go to the Monster Truck show, we eat at Benihana’s (my kids favorite), I go to a concert or movie with my boys, I plan a Mexico trip to celebrate my son’s birthdays. I plan these things and make it special. I can’t be a perfect mom every day and neither can any one else.
Most days, I’m really tired. I’m not a morning person, I don’t sleep well, and in general I run around with stress, anxiety and a little crazy. My calendar is full, I set alarms to make sure to pick up my kids on time, to call for conference calls, to instagram, for appointments and even for dinners out with my friends. The only way I can organize and be on time, I would die without my phone. My days starts at 7:30am (I’m not an early riser) and ends around midnight. On days, I’m home with the kids, I blog after they go to bed or try to relax and watch TV while I check email. Near the weekends, I go out with friends. Fun, food, fashion and friends, my favorite F words :).
As a mom or working women or women trying to find your career or in school, finding what works for you is the only goal needed. What is balance? Is it feeling zen? Is it your heart beating fast from a work out? Is it quiet time?
Right now, my balance is my kid time. Sounds crazy but it’s what I consider real life for me. Kids screaming, needing things, temper tantrums, laughs, dance parties, this gives me a reality check. I know they won’t be young forever so for now I choose them as my balance. Working out, meditating – maybe that will happen once they figure out that mom’s not cool anymore or they just want to hang out with their friends. I’m ok with that. Seeing my friends, working, a glass of wine, that keeps me happy so I will keep on doing me.
Photo location: Sweet Mandy B’s
Photographer: Hannah Schweiss