{1} Forgiveness
Kids in general move on quickly and raising my two boys has taught me to move on quicker and not to be caught up with bullshit. I still get upset at certain things but I certainly do not hold on to them as long as I used to (which would be forever lol). I’m a stubborn butthole that has a hard time forgiving people who I feel are untruthful, unsupportive, or petty and in the past year, I’ve really learned to let it go. I let myself be upset for a day or two, but that’s it. I may dislike people still, but that does not mean I am angry at them or hold it as long as I use to. The one-step that has allowed me to move forward is just by not surrounding myself with people that don’t wish me well.
My sons have shown me that being happy, giving love, and just plain forgetting about the small stuff is the way to lead life and is much needed in my life. As I said, I’m stubborn! But now I’m not wasting my energy on holding it in.
A big part of forgiveness was letting go of the stress, anger, and resentment with their dad. This year has been a huge change for us and I’ve seen my ex/their dad change for the better as well. Letting go of our anger has enabled us to joyfully celebrate the holidays together doing certain activities. We both put our kids #1 through the divorce process, but the past few months I know they’ve been able to see a difference between our relationship. I still have days where I feel like I failed my kids, but with me being happier, I know I’m being a better mom these days.
{2} It’s OK to do what makes you happy NOW
My kids pretty much (and I think all kids) do what they want NOW, play, scream, demand things, etc. and they don’t worry about what will happen. My oldest jumps off of my furniture with such joy without much thought. My youngest demands things now like I work for him lol. Overall, what I’ve learned is that I think too much about everything or at least I used to but the past year you can see that I do things that make me happy. From traveling to seeing friends to being single, each decision is about what makes me feel happy inside. Taking risks, stressing less, and making sure that I am doing things I love is a priority now. Of course, I have to make money and think of my kids, but I say yes more than no these days.
{3} Be present, experience things, and communicate
We are all wrapped up online, on our phones, and most of us text rather than make a phone call. Since my job is blogging and social media, I’m on my phone a lot. I have learned to take blocks of hours away and something we do at dinner time is to talk about our favorite part of the day. It’s a tradition I started over a year ago and I love hearing about their day.
My kids love board games, they love experiences, and it is something we do on the weekends and I plan ahead to do fun stuff (such as Great Wolf Lodge, seeing Santa at the Swissotel, shows, concerts). Being present and experiencing things is very important to me. Since I have city kids, we don’t sit at home much (I don’t have a yard and as much space as a large house).
I think something I feel lacking at times in adults is these key things. I’ve had friends pick up their phone while I was talking to them, I’ve looked around at tables at a restaurant where groups of friends are all on their phone. Adults, in general, don’t talk on the phone anymore. Friendships and dating. . . it’s all done through messaging. I’m guilty of it, but I’ve been trying hard to pick up the phone more and while out my phone is down. The funny thing is, if I’m with you and I’m not on my phone at all, it means I love spending time with you :). I’m present and listening.
I share a lot of myself online but my boys and our time are sacred to me. I share snippets, but my job is about me and I try hard to keep them separate from it. I listen to what they love, I do things they need, and they are my everything. I have them for Christmas this year and I’ll be taking a few days off to enjoy my family. Wishing you much love, health and happiness my friends and so grateful for your support always.
xoxo
Jen
