Dating seems like a hot topic on my Instagram stories and I frequently get questions. And due to the quarantine, it has gotten even more interesting. I wanted to write an honest and fun recap of what is going on and how even in quarantine you can date. These are the top 10 questions I’m receiving and feel free to drop more to me by email or Instagram.
*These messages you see on here are actual text messages received by my friends (not me). It is appalling and funny at the same time.
{1} What dating apps are you using?
Overall, I prefer meeting someone in person. I’ve had a few ask me out in person and someone I saw longer was a chance meeting at the Soho house, but most men now prefer apps as they are lazy and I’ve talked about this before, it is a numbers game. Assume everyone is talking to 3-5 people and some even talk to 10. Who has the time? Some do . . .
I use Hinge. So far it’s been fine. I’ve used Bumble, but dislike being the first to message. I don’t care how successful you are, I still think men should initiate the conversation. I do not use Tinder. And I tried the celebrity app Raya, but I rarely connected with anyone and the ones I did were too enthralled with themself (lol).
{2} What are tips you have to getting to the first date?
So before the quarantine, typically I would say within a few days of chatting, the guy asks to meet for drinks or dinner. My advice is to have key things you know you want to know before agreeing to meet and stick to coffee or drinks (I prefer drinks) rather than a full dinner.
My tips for chatting … try not to share too much info but just enough to have them interested. Be friendly and open AND DO NOT SEND INTIMATE PHOTOS TO THEM. Men that send photos of themself (and you know what I’m saying) or ask for photos from you are not looking for a relationship. Drop them completely if they say inappropriate things (unless you like that). If they ask you ZERO questions, also stop talking to them. Don’t waste your time and move on. Someone looking to know you will ask questions and listen.
Things I do like to ask about to give me guidance on what type of person they are:
Are they close to their family? Siblings? Kids?
What do they like to do in their free time or weekends?
Friendly banter, good conversation, how they speak and tone is important.
A bit about their past dating experiences and if they’ve had any relationships (I know some don’t ask this but I do to hear how they respond and help guide me on who they are).
Now that I’ve had quite a few where I’ve had a phone conversation and facetime, I would add this to the agenda before meeting as it has helped me address whether or not someone looks like their photos and I find them attractive.
{3} How are you dating in quarantine?
Same as the above process. Messages, phone call, Facetime, and then possibly a social distancing walk. I’ve done a few of these and it’s strange to go on a walk, but it is better than nothing! I do find that I get to know people better now as men have to talk!
I have had friends who have done picnics, dinners over facetime, happy hour facetime. I’ve also had friends and I experience the random men who don’t care at all and ask you to come over without even seeing you yet. STAY AWAY FROM THOSE MEN. How many people are they asking, they do not even care what you look like besides photos, and if they aren’t being picky now, what were they doing before!?
I’ve been speaking to someone for over a month. We’ve met etc. but I still would prefer to wait until this is over to be able to do normal stuff together. I love a great communicator, but to be honest, quarantine dating is making it difficult to really date.
So long story short, take your time. All we have is time and get to know them. Let’s hope in a month, we can all go on a real decent date in a restaurant!
{4} What is a good first date idea?
Drinks at a great bar. Coffee at a cute place. These are what I prefer as it gives you good guidance of attraction and select a place with a good crowd so it’s not too stiff. Let’s hope the guy has an idea of where to go, cause I do prefer when they have some kind of plan instead of being a lazy ass (lol).
I’ve done breakfast, lunch, and dinner but it’s more of a commitment, and a few I knew within the first 5 minutes I didn’t want to be there so I was stuck.
I’m the worst at leaving so I’m still learning this. My dates tend to be like 4 hours long lol! So I’m learning to give it a timeline. Drinks can lead to dinner (if it’s someone you like). Coffee you can end in an hour so it’s great for a person you are unsure about.
One time I had an 8-hour first date – we meet and went to a club to go dancing. I’ve never had so much fun! I LOVE dancing, it sounds weird, but if someone is fun to be with, I can go out forever. I love to have fun but I knew that it wasn’t going to be serious.
In Chicago for drinks, my favorite spots are the Hoxton, Soho House, Gibsons Italia.
{5} What do you look for?
I’ve spent the last 3 years single (dating off and on) and I’ve had two long and serious relationships in my life so I definitely know what I love and hate now. You must figure that out before settling on someone and end up wondering why you are with them. Don’t choose someone to fill space, choose someone that compliments you.
I need both emotional and physical attraction. It seems obvious, but not so, some crave financial stability, some love attention, some love helping troubled men, etc. But I have been emotionally connected to one person and I know that doesn’t happen for me that often. Physical attraction is obvious to me so that’s the easy part as I know pretty immediately if I am or not. I love the 5 love languages so it is always interesting to me what men’s love language is. I love affection and touch, so if the other person doesn’t, it won’t work. The list is long, but I know that I’d prefer lifestyle similarities and a non-judgemental person.
{6} What should I wear on a first date?
Ok confession here, I used to wear a dress/heels/jacket and I was always overdressed. I’ve become way more lax as I live in Chicago and it’s annoying but I needed to as men don’t dress up here. So, a great pair of skinny denim, a cute going out top, and a blazer/jacket is a perfect first date ensemble.
Sometimes I wear a skirt/dress if it is hot out.
{7} What are warning signs to look for?
There’s a ton but trust your gut ladies. My advice below is basically for those trying to date for a partner, not flings. These are a few that I have experienced.
Communication: as you see with the messages on this blog post, stay away from any of these men that have zero clues and have zero intent on dating.
Too much drinking (another confession, I have had too much at the beginning of dating, I was too much fun lol). But now I’ve seen men who try to plow you with drinks and obviously loosen things up.
Men who only talk about themself. Self-explanatory, no need to go further unless you hate talking and you find him that awesome.
Men who repeat stories. They must be talking to so many people that you are one in a gazillion. I’ve definitely repeated stories, but 1-3 repeats are ok as of course, you’ll forget some stuff. But I’ve seen men who literally tell me the same stories every time.
Men who just want to message for over a week. I don’t want a pen pal. Move on or make a move man. Stop wasting my time.
Men who don’t pay for the first date or even coffee. Yes, this has happened to me. If you are too cheap to even buy a coffee, don’t message me ever again. It’s not the money, I’m still old fashion when it comes to effort, appreciation, and dating. If at the end of the date I’m not interested, I do always offer to pay my half. Women, don’t forget to be appreciative of what they do do.
{8} How long do you wait to kiss someone? To sleep with someone?
Tough one ladies for me to answer . . . everyone’s filter is different. I think kissing is great. But regarding sleeping, that really is up to each woman and what you want.
Recommended online is a kiss 1-3 dates and the sleepover at 6-10 dates if you want to date seriously.
What I don’t love is someone who attacks my face or has zero filters in reading my body language and goes in for a kiss without me wanting one. Yuck!
{9} What are your first date expectations?
This is also hard as each woman is different, but I do expect the man to choose a place or have some idea. When I was younger I expected much more with nice dinners etc, but dating is so different now, I’ve lowered my expectations lol. Paying for the first date, opening doors, and walking beside me is also expected.
Beyond this, I would say figuring out if I have chemistry with them, is the conversation easy and are they easy to be with.
{10} Biggest advice you’d give to those that are single?
If you are serious about wanting to find someone, don’t get too discouraged as dating is extremely hard these days. Don’t get your feelings hurt by someone you don’t know. Ghosting happens quite often to everyone, remember that you don’t know who someone really is so at the beginning of dating, get to know them and don’t concoct huge stories of why you love them or why they ghosted you. Just move on. Put your energy only towards the good things.
Have certain things you for sure are looking for and make sure who you are dating has those things. This has been the hard part for me, I tend to go on chemistry and don’t see clearly. The past year I’ve been using my listening skills and trying to figure things out. My past two long term relationships were fast and furious. In a month, we were together every day and I didn’t take time to breathe or see who the person was clearly. Definitely taking my time now which is why I’ve been single for almost 3 years.
Don’t text too much, don’t initiate too much, and let the man be the chaser. And certainly don’t fall for men that message like the ones you see here.
Side note: For those of you that think dating isn’t a game, it kind of is. But when you find the right one, there is no game. Be open to love and don’t listen to your friends on that he will just show up, or it will happen when you least likely expect it, etc. . . I hate it when friends tell me these things. Handle things the way you see fit and evaluate what you really need, don’t settle, and have standards.
I’ve had some incredible dating experiences and men in my life, each one has taught me more and I’ve become a better person each time. But now I’m looking for an incredible person not just experiences. I hope these posts are helpful to you ladies that reach out to me frequently! Remember, you are amazing so you deserve someone amazing as well.
