What I’m thankful for and struggling with this year 2020 with details of my glam birthday setup. *excuse any typos – I did this quickly today as I love sharing thankful thoughts for Thanksgiving
This has been a tough year for everyone and I try to focus on the positives and learn from the negatives. As my birthday is so close to Thanksgiving, I always like to reflect on the past year and open up to you guys about things that I struggle with.
2020 started with me feeling so hopeful and feeling like I finally recovered from my divorce. I was getting more work, I traveled to a few places so when March hit and everything shut down, I was scared. Not only about Covid, but what would happen to my job and day to day life. I make a living, basically living life! Not being able to go out, travel, dine out, and do all the things I share. What was I going to do, and were you guys going to follow along with me just sitting at home? So after crying and worrying, I decided to focus on my home, my kids, and see what I could do to enjoy my home. Not only did I learn to cook, but I decorated my home, shared my interior finds, and I found that I was even more connected to you guys (as we were all in the same boat). Now we are in November, and I’m better than ok, my kids are good, and I figured out how to pivot into interiors on my blog, which really helped my business. I also finally settled in and dealt with issues I had that I was avoiding. All the time at home was actually much needed for me and I am spending more time with my kids. One day I’ll look back fondly at the memories of all this time together as this may never happen again! Don’t get me wrong, my home is nutso with all of us online but a crazy year brings crazy adjustments.
These photos were from a small gathering at my home for my birthday. If you are in search for the best event planner (she does big and small), call Elise (insta: @chicfromchicago) she throws magical events and is so sweet. I always call her for any special occasion. Her recent weddings/engagement styling has been amazing. She works with Jess (insta: @stemmingwithlove). How gorgeous is the floral arrangement she did for my Anthropologie mirror? Both ladies also did my patio party (spectacular details, see the patio post here).
Overall, this year I am grateful and thankful for (I’ll list a few struggles below after the positives):
{1} Facing my issues:
I had a lot I was avoiding last year by traveling and going out. Not letting myself really be sad or adjust to too much time alone was an issue. I also looked at what I could do better in a relationship. So 2020, kicked me into full gear of facing what I could have done better in my marriage, what I could do better in my next relationship, and working on appreciating everything that comes my way. I believe positivity breeds positivity and with that, I told myself things would be better than I thought despite the lockdown. The results are that they were!
Analyzing my issues and wanting to grow from them, has helped me personally and in business.
{2} Time with my kids:
Divorce was hard, I lost time with my kids 50% of the time, and the first year was the hardest. Christmas or holidays without them was lonely and sad. Well, this year definitely changed our lives. Home school, Zoom/online school, cooking, and cleaning for them like a maniac, our time together became full-time. I’m still working on patience, but I love the conversations we have, and watching them excel although the year is tough is great to see. I’m watching them grow in front of me and I am very aware of trying to lock certain memories in my head as I won’t be able to get this much time with them again!
{3} My relationship with Jim:
Who would have thought Covid 2020 would result in a relationship for me! Grateful and appreciative of his love, support, and helping me in so many ways. More details of us to come as he is part of an upcoming blog post.
{4} My group of friends:
I have a handful of people that have really helped me the past few years and been by my side to listen, support, and love me through this tough journey. I KNOW who my friends are and it’s amazing. The rest of the people that used to be “around” me have disappeared and I’m actually quite grateful they have disappeared. There were too much drama and unhappiness that surrounded their life that seeped into mine. My happiness shows in my stories and photos because I’ve taken the time to really evaluate myself and who I surround myself with.
{5} My job and you guys:
Grateful, amazed, and beyond happy that I do this for a living! I pinch myself at times that I do this for a living. And thank you guys for sharing your stories, comments, likes, Dm’s, notes. etc. THANK YOU! You make my life possible.
Fantastic charcuterie plate by Way Too Gouda (DM her to order in Chicago); this comes with the board!
Struggles that stay within me:
{1} Anxiety:
Every day I struggle with this but I manage it. Breathing, list writing, CBD has helped me. I manage this every single freaking day. But I embrace it, I wouldn’t be who I am or work so hard without anxiety.
{2} My relationship with Jim (lol):
Online it looks all rosy, but let me tell you, we’ve had our fair share of ups and downs. I struggle with control, letting go, being vulnerable, and letting someone in. He has been patient and chipped away at my fence I built around my heart. My divorce hardened me from wanting anyone else to hurt me . . .but slowly and surely, I’ve opened up, and with it came issues I had to face and things I was doing to sabotage this relationship.
Being by myself has overall been easier, I only deal with my feelings and my kids. So taking a step to be more serious with Jim was a big one and with it came me also having to take his feelings into account. Sharing him on my social channels was big – we saw each other for a bit before I shared him. . .
I continuously work on myself and our relationship. There is a ton of good but definitely something I struggled with!
{3} Fear of everything disappearing:
From my job, to money, to my relationship, I work like I’m going to lose it all in a minute. I need to learn to relax. Even as I type this, it’s Thanksgiving and I’m alone, and I should be relaxing but wanted to get this blog post out and share the beautiful party my friends Elise and Jess help me put together.
I need to learn to relax . . .
{4} Saving money:
This year has taught me to review everything and slow down and make sure my finances are set. Saving money is always a top priority, hard to do, but something I work on!
Thank you to Diamond Flowers Boutique for these amazing flowers for my birthday. Dress is a steal for $26.
{5} My job:
Although I love my job, I sometimes (just a little) wish I had some private time and could really take time off. I feel the pressure to have to share every day and even on vacation, I work daily. But like I said before, so many pluses, I rarely complain.
My job relies on the fact you guys want to watch, read and stay interested . . . I get tired of myself quite frankly lol. Doing stories, looking at my own photos. . . so grateful you guys stay engaged and want to be a part of my life.
{6} Am I a good enough mom?:
I’ve cried a lot this year feeling like I failed them. These are on the tough days where I just can’t balance anything and I didn’t spend any quality time with them. I don’t read enough, play enough, teach them enough. . . the list is long. I just hope I’m doing enough.
I have pretty serious talks with them and ask them what I can improve on and they are the sweetest to me. My oldest told me the ONE big thing I need to work on is my language and patience when driving. This cracked me up!
Happiest Thanksgiving 2020 to you my friends. Much love and I hope your families are well too. xoxo. Once again thankful for you!
