2021 is here and to be honest, I’ve been in a weird haze of a funk. I really did walk away from 2020 with positive feelings. So much changed for all of us, but I learned that I can face changes and make decisions to make things work. I consider myself very lucky. So lucky and grateful. From my home, my ability to do this job online, to be with my kids and work, to be able to make things work overall. My heart goes out to all those that have and are struggling, the stress of money, home, kids, bills, the list is endless. As we enter 2021, I wake up each day hoping this year will be better for everyone. Hopeful….
As I am an openly divorced person online, I get notes quite frequently from you about your own marriage struggles. The hardest question I get is if someone should get divorced. I know that they want to feel heard, but the only person that can make that decision is you. Every marriage or relationship is different, what my goals are in life are not your goals, what I want out of a relationship may not be what you are searching for. I know that it is an extremely hard decision to walk away from something that isn’t fulfilling, healthy, or hurtful no matter how much you love someone. I went to therapy for years with my ex. Even a therapist can’t answer that question. Search your heart, think about your life, and what you want. I am always here to listen.
So how am I currently feeling? To sum up 2020 for me, it was about love, learnings, and appreciating where I am at. I am happy to have found Jim, I pivoted my business to talk more about my personal life and my home, and I started a gratitude journal. But the first few days of 2021 I have felt frustrated, unmotivated, and alone.
Why? How? You may say, well, with love comes complications. With love comes expectations, appreciation, and vulnerability. I’ve said this many times, I’m not great at relationships especially after my divorce. I tend to run and shut down my feelings when agitated when I feel pushed. I’m a very independent, confident woman that has worked for herself for 9+ years. I make clear decisions, I know how I feel, and I tend to get my way because I lead my life. Having someone else in it is hard at times. Everyone communicates differently and I struggle with communication in my relationship. I’m very open and honest. I don’t get embarrassed but it is also because I’ve been doing this for so long. Having to not care what others think is a key component for me in handling this job. So my current state is figuring out the faults within myself that I can improve on and if there are parts I can’t change, am I ok with it? I love love. I expect a lot. I give a lot. So we will see. This isn’t a huge thing, but something I struggling with as I move forward in a relationship. Taking on someone else’s emotional roller coaster can be exhausting. Add on ex’s, children, past relationship baggage . . . relationships are no longer easy. I have a ton of baggage and I don’t let men in anymore so it’s something I’m working on. I love my kids more than anything so each decision is difficult as I want to make sure it is right for them too. In addition, their dad and I have a pretty good relationship so I do try to manage being good about that. The complications are endless as you grow up and break up and fall in love. I certainly miss young love, innocent love, but I don’t regret any of my relationships. I’ve had wonderful moments that I cherish.
Coming back from Mexico, my motivation dropped tremendously. My November and December were the busiest months I’ve ever had. I think the fact that Christmas was over, I was back at home and I was no longer as busy, I had a meltdown of sorts. I get worried about my job, money, and what to do immediately. I’m trying to learn to relax when things get slow. I let myself have a week of relaxation in Mexico and finally, yesterday I told myself it was enough. I got my ass up, cleaned the house, did laundry, and sat down to write my goals for 2021. I changed it around and it worked. I went back to connecting with you guys and I saw traction (it was so slow over the holidays), I have a big partnership I’m posting today so I put into my mindset that I am grateful. I am still working, get my head out of my ass (lol).
So things I need to work on and I hope gives you some motivation to think about what you need!
{1} Set goals but take a moment to appreciate myself when I hit them.
This is a huge problem I have. I don’t appreciate and congratulate myself, but I get stressed about what to do next to hit it again. So I am firmly telling myself to give myself a break, tell myself great job, and settle in it.
{2} More Patience
2020 tested it to the limit. I have ZERO patience and of course, having kids has helped but it is still a struggle. Especially when my kids are at home doing zoom school. I’ve taken steps to start breathing when frustrated and to ask what is needed before flying off the handle, lol! I’m not giving myself enough credit, I do have patience it’s just it runs thin these days.
{3} It’s ok to not be a perfect mom.
I don’t really seek perfection as a mother and I certainly don’t do things the same way as most moms. But I do want what’s best for them. More often than not I have bad days. I’m overwhelmed, all the cooking, cleaning, managing the household by myself, and home school 50% of the time. It is A LOT. And I know many of you are going through the same things. I have to tell myself it’s ok, I can’t do it all. I started doing this more and more at the end of the year, and I feel ok right now. But I have to remind myself of this throughout 2021.
{4} Working on what LOVE means.
I like to steer things, I like things to go my way. I live this life because of me, I got through a divorce and bought a place, and survived 2020 because of me. So it’s hard to adjust to having a partner and their “stuff”. There is a lot of good in love and in relationships. But I’m finally at a place where I don’t have to have a relationship, I don’t HAVE to be in LOVE. I WANT to be and it’s the best thing in the world when good. But I’m looking at things differently now. I have big dreams and find that sometimes, I get told to be someone else, to relax, to not expect so much, to not travel, to not want so much, to not basically have my dreams. This isn’t exactly related to Jim but a strew of relationships in the past. It is a struggle as I try to maneuver being myself and being a part of his life. I want someone to be a part of my life and not scared to live it. Still working through some kinks but hopeful. I find that I have high expectations for myself, my partner, my friendships, and sometimes get disappointed by what I get back. I now try to give to give, not to receive appreciation back, but to just give. It has enabled me not to need so much appreciation. My expectations are separate from appreciation. Love means so many things now so I’m working on really figuring out what is right for me. To me, it isn’t just being in love with someone, but so many life factors that need to work together for me to stay in it. Believe me, social media is just a snippet of everyone’s life. No one’s relationship is perfect.
{5} Taking real time off from social, online, and working.
I laugh as I write this on Sunday afternoon as this is part of work, blogging. But I truly want to do this. Make myself take a day or two, maybe once a quarter. Just tune out. I have posted online every day for at least 7 years. I rarely put my phone down for a full day even on vacation. Most of my vacations I turn somewhat into work and showing where to go, what’ I’m wearing, and blogging. I always take my laptop. The time off I took during Christmas in Mexico was the first time I did not blog at all and shot zero sponsored posts. It was amazing and I realized I need that time. I even read a book! Going to do this ladies and you should too!!
{6} New? Opportunities?
I was going to end with 5 things but I’m thinking about adding some type of change to my job. I’m unsure and still thinking about it. Brainstorming, making steps, and have goals in my head. Stay tuned folks!
Write down your goals for 2021 and every month. Start crossing them off when you achieve them and look at your annual goals next year to see how many you hit.
Happy 2021 and you can do it, go make your goals! Sign up for my email updates here.
Loved this post? I shared more personal posts about me here.
