Birthday Reflections: Ten Things I Have Learned This Year

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(Shop my dress seen above here)

Birthdays. . . a reason to celebrate, a reason to cry, a reason to reflect, and a reason to be grateful. I do all of these things yearly and this year was a big one. I actually hate my birthday and if you follow me on social, I’ve shared briefly that I freak out during this time and experienced two breakups due to my birthday. This year I wanted it to be different. Affirming that great things are happening has changed my entire year and my life. No more looking at my birthday as something sad or scary but there’s so much to celebrate. Here are ten things I learned this year and I hope when I write these more personal blog posts, something will resonate with you that will help you.

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(Tulum Dress from KTR Collection)

{1} Letting things be. My favorite quote of the year is, “I don’t chase I attract. What is meant for me will simply find me.” A tik tok affirmational quote I heard and stuck to me. I’ve spent my whole life trying to control and think ahead. It caused me issues in my marriage and the stress level of wanting to control everything in my life caused me to feel sad, alone, and have many sleepless nights. For the past two years, I’ve done self-work, self-care, and let things go. I’ve embraced that things will happen the way they should and I’m so much happier. There’s a weight lifted that has enabled me to focus on the now. Say the quote 3 times a day or write a down. It is a life-changer.

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{2} Spend time and energy on people that give you the same investment. My friendships run deep and I am truly one to show up whenever someone needs something. Through the past few years, I’ve lost a lot of friendships and I was ok with it. I chose to walk away. True friends are there for you and invest the same time and energy into the relationship. I know I am a great friend and I expect the same. I will not have people around me that judge me or be negative. I do, however, love growth, so I do accept feedback on how I can be a better friend. I’ve learned the difference now. Friends want the best for you, that’s it.

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{3} Failures and mistakes are just key learnings to do better. I take every failure or bump in the road as learning. I try to not dwell on them but to reflect on how I should handle things next time. This was something that has really helped me move forward in life when I’m disappointed and hope it can help you.

{4} Surround yourself with people that light up and support you the way you do for them. Similar to time and energy, the people around you should step up when you need them! I hope those close to me feel this from me as I love spending time with my friends and do show up whenever needed.

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{5} Love isn’t easy, love isn’t straight forward but you must love yourself first.  This was a big first step for me after divorce. I didn’t know how to love myself and by spending time alone, building my life back up, taking care of my kids, I found what makes me happy. I learned to depend on myself and it was what I needed to be able to feel better. I still really struggle with love and am not sure if anyone will truly understand me, but I’m open to the future. This past year was a harder one as “C” man had cancer and we are still taking steps to be a couple and move forward. There are hiccups, I’m still not as vulnerable as I’d like but I’m not sure how to be anyone else. I admire those that are super vulnerable, my heart and head aren’t capable of it. I like to tread lightly until I’m sure and I accept that this is just the way I am.

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{6} Letting go of the past will help you lean forward. I’ve let a few back in, I invite my kids’ dad to many events, and don’t hold resentment towards anyone.  When I let go of my anger and resentment, it helped me move forward with open arms. All the amazing things that happened this year were due to letting go of the past. I, of course, have baggage, but I’m slowly unpacking it step by step and I made the biggest leap this year.

{7} Do not let others tell you who you should be and how you should feel. PERIOD. Figure out who you are, don’t let others tell you you aren’t good enough, too much, not enough, take charge of who you are, and show up for yourself.

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{8} It is ok to not be ok. This took me a while as I want to fix things, get over things, feel better immediately. I allow myself to feel shitty. To not be ok and then move forward trying to learn from it and figure out how to change the narrative next time. Can you tell I like to resolve things?

{9}  I am capable of so much more than I thought. Things and people come into your life for a reason. I have taken each positive and negative thing and walked away grateful for what I’ve seen I have been able to achieve. I look at the past year with such gratitude and how far I’ve come from crying daily and not knowing who I was to supporting my kids, owning a home and a new car. The milestones that I have hit are because of me. I hope you guys know how much you are capable of… life brings upon challenges that you can handle.

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(My dress seen above is vintage)

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{10} Don’t force anything, conversations, friendships, relationships, attention, love. Anything forced is not worth fighting for. Whatever flows flows. 

I’ll tell you my biggest struggle is and has been about love. I give my heart to people (friends and lovers) and have had it broken or felt broken. I have been told so many times in my life I expect too much, I’m too much, I need too much. The “too much” word triggers me and makes me not want a relationship. I am working on it, being vulnerable, getting through past trauma that gets in the way, and ensuring whoever is by my side is really by my side. I believe I can do anything and don’t want to be held back. I put a large wall up around my personal life this year as it was tough on my insides to be there for someone going through cancer. It made me question a lot of why someone comes into your life, how short life is, how we must live life each day and be happy. I’m at a great place, really, which is why I think I was meant to be in his life. I could handle being a solid person to support him. Overall, I am the happiest I’ve been. Despite challenges, I see them differently. I see them as meant to be and I’ll work through them.

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Corset  |   Skirt

I look forward to the next year and what it will bring. I think there’s even more in-store. A lot can change in a year and I believe at the place I’m at, I’m ready for it. My goals are more personal and less financial next year. I want someone who can give me unwavering support and loves me inside and out. Every day is a new adventure and I look forward to what flows to me next!

Much love to you for sticking with me through this life journey and taking the time to read this. xoxo. Thankful for you.

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